Prodigy Coach Forum

Guru · Pro Joined: 26 Nov 2007 Posts: 50

You need to be aware of the 3 primary representational systems -
* Visual
* Auditory
* Kinaesthetic
These are simplistically referred to as V-A-K.
Everyone will favour one of these representational systems as their primary means of perception and expression.
(Note my variety of language in the post What is Rapport. It was quite deliberate.)

Matching words
By allowing your "partner" in rapport to express themselves you will discover whether they are V, A or K and this will allow you to match their words and phrases in the language that you use. You need to be subtle here because if you use the same words as they have they will just think you are repeating everything they say. Matching allows you to be as creative as you can and to get away from copying or paraphrasing.

Matching behaviour
People like people who are like them. If you watch people who are getting on well they tend to match body postures and gestures. This happens quite naturally. Its that dance of rapport they are performing.
If you can match the behavioural postures and gestures of the person then they will unconsciously pick up on this. This matching behaviour has to be subtle though - so beware not to mimic them or they will consciously pick this up and draw their own conclusions. In an initial meeting look to match in these areas:
General posture * speed of movement * eye contact * the speed of speech * loudness of speech

Matching thinking
Lets take speaking in a foreign language for example (say French) - you can be speaking in French while still thinking in English. This places considerable processing demands on your brain, and might be okay for an interview where you can consider your response. However if you can THINK and talk in French then you can hold a conversation. The same applies to tuning into matched thinking in building rapport. It will strengthen all your matching work in other areas and allow you to express yourself succinctly, smoothly and convincingly to your partner(s) in rapport.

This process might seem ponderous and requiring much time - but far from it! With practice, and working towards unconscious capability, you can build rapport in a very short space of time. The demands on you are (a) being as perceptive as possible in terms of observing and listening and (b) being as adaptable, natural and as expressive as you can be. I suggest practising in a social context - it is a very relaxed and natural environment - and building on these skills there could bring its own reward.

The key is knowing what you want to achieve, and how you are going to achieve it. Hopefully my posts have outlined this and given you some tools to use.

Guru